4 weeks on

So its been 4 weeks since we split, and I have really not coped very well at all on some days. Other days I have been OK, and managed keep it together. Today and tomorrow are likely to be sad, and I'm certainly feeling that this morning. So so flat.

I got the house & mortgage all organised, and settlement is tomorrow. So I will be in debt up to my eyeballs and beyond, but the house will be mine and completely in my name. So tomorrow for me really is the finish of it all. There will be no ties to Andrew with the house, except for the few things he still has around.

I really understand the concept of a broken heart, but am thankful we can remain friends. Andrew and I spent a couple of days at the V8 racing a few weeks ago, and that was really good. We both had a great weekend, and got along quite well.

I guess my thing is that I'm just so so angry that we couldn't make it work, and now I'm almost 34 and single again. And I think being angry is what makes me upset, and then my head just starts thinking all sorts of things, and then I'm going round and round in circles.

I KNOW thats its best we are not together, and I KNOW that if we move back in together that things will go back to how they were, so why do I get so sad? Cause I'm lonely. I honestly thought I'd cope being on my own in my house, but the reality is that I'm not coping very well at all. My best friend is in Melb, my other one lives too far away and has a bub so can't come over at night, and I don't have too many other friends who can come over or I can go visit. Facebook is my best mate at the moment as it keeps me occupied.

I'm a real introvert, so the whole I idea of going out on my own and meeting people just scares the crap outa me. I admire Chris H, who seems to be able to natter to anyone, and loves to meet new people - I'm just so not like that.

I guess I just have to come outa my shell and try harder.... But I'm not sure if I'm ready yet? Who knows. I just feel a little lost at the moment, and look forward to feeling happier sooner rather than later. Breaking up is hard to do - and this would have to be ther worst one I've been through.