Can't get into the swing of it all

My diet has gone to hell.. Since the unfortunate weigh in a few weeks ago, I have lost the plot...and it all just comes down to will power. The other thing I find hard at the moment is having so much going on. Work is quite stressful, and so I turn to yummy food to make me feel better...its a vicious cycle, and I can't seem to break it. You would have thought that not being able to get jeans to fit on the weekend would have been a good way to kick myself in the bum, but that hasn't seemed to have happened.

I've also got issues happening with headaches, and also with my achillies. I've been going to the headache clinic over the past week to try to get rid of my headaches. At the moment its more pain than relief, but I think in about a week or so I should really start to feel better, and get a new pillow to help with sleeping at night.
My Achillies is another matter...and thats whats stopping me from walking at the moment. I can only walk from about 20min and then I'm in pain. Its has a lump on it, an I'm hoping that its just inflamation. Off to see a sports doctor this week and we'll see whats happening.
And to top evrything off I had my root canal finished 2 weeks agao, and I am in a heaps of pain today. I can't even eat at the moment, so have to see if I can fit in a dentist appointment today.
I am a sad and sorry mess!!

I'm cancelling my WW unlimited as its costing heaps, but I'm not doing anything with it. In Myers in Adelaide they do a 1 on 1 consultation, but its expensive, and the reality is I just need to do it myself - no point paying if you can't get your head in the right space. . I just can't seem to get on board wlike I used to. When I smoked it was easy to lose weight. You felt like something to eat so you had a smoke and all was good...now I'm not smoking I just eat....and so the cycle continues.

Otherwise life is pretty boring at the moment. Always busy at work, and home life is OK. Not going to go back to uni for a while, I don't have the mental toughness for it right now. I just want all my ailments to get better so that I can feel better, and get moving again. I miss walking, and want to be able to do those 8km walks again. Trying not to feel to down, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it all.

Finally back to blogging

Talk about being slack!! But I'm back now... back from China, and hopefully back from that terrible headspace I was in a few weeks a go.

China was great.... for those who want piccy's, you can check them out on Facebook. Here are 2 of my favourites.

It was busy and I got a nasty cold half way through the trip - so felt like shit for the last 2 working days and for my free shopping day. The plane home was BAD...economy with a cold, crying babies, and another one kicking me.... NOT HAPPY.

But I am feeling much better now. I didn't do a great deal of shopping while I was over there, just a few things. A pure Cashmere shawl, a mahjong set for my mum, some tea, and a gorgeous tea set. I also got a jade bracelet, which is just gorgeous.

The only down side of the past 3 weeks was the terrible weight gain. I weigh more now than when I joined Weight Watchers.... so BAD. And my weigh in was crap tonight, as there wasn't a weigher, and the 1 member of the meeting who I really don't like decided that she would offer to help and weigh people..... I was so embaressed and pissed off that she got to see my weight. I wouldn't have thought that the leader would be allowed to let just anyone weigh people - especially when they don't know what they are doing. I ended up taking my book and working out myself what my figures were. NOT impressed, and actually complained to WW about it. I think I have the right to be able to choose what members know my weight and which ones don't.

Anyways I ate my annoyance tonight, which just proves I have an emotional eating issue.... SO, tomorrow I will get back on the wagon and get rid of this weight. I felt so fat in China. It was horrible to be surrounded by Asian skinny people!! And no chance of finding any clothes.... just so depressing. I got stared at a lot because of me height and red hair, and I'm sure cause of how huge I am.

But I ate well until I got home from WW...and I even went for a walk. I will sort this all out. I have to soon, cause I just feel yuck!!

Where is my head at???

I tell ya what - it certainly isn't in the right spcae for losing weight!! And I'm worried I'm never going to get back to that place. You'd think trying on a size 20 shirt and have it be too tight in the arms would be a sign wouldn't you... NOPE.

I am really quite annoyed with myself in numerous ways. I can't believe the things I ate over the weekend. I am NOT going to WW this week, I couldn't handle the huge gain. I'll be going back after I get back from China.

And no matter how hard I tell myslef to get my shit together it just doesn't seem to be happening. I even piked on a friend for a walk yesterday....mostly cause we had to clean out the pond though so I could watch the car racing in the arvo.

I have to work out why I keep sabotaging myself...I'm not sure why I do it, and mostly how to fix it. Starting to get really really down about things, but not sure how to control it. I LOVE FOOD, and have so much trouble trying to stop the bad stuff from entering my mouth.

I get back from China on the 5th of April... and I WILL get back on track and kick some arse with this weight loss things, cause if I don't start doing it now, then winter will settle in, and there will be no chance of any exercise. I must stop complaining, and just get on with it.....

50 points for dinner... bout that!!!

Yesterday was Andrew's birthday, so I took him out for dinner. I chose a healthy main mean - grilled squid. Then I looked at the entree's and suggested to Andrew that we share one.... I should have had a GOOD look at what was on the platter first. Deep fired onion rings, deep fried chicken wings, deep fried potato skins, deep fried prawns, and some chicken breast pieces. And you know what.... STUPID me ate almost everything...so 50 points later, my healthy main meal was destroyed by the entree.

OH WELL... back on track today. Must admit it was very yummy, but not going to have it ever again. Tonight is takeaway Thai with the girls, but that will be easy, a pork stir fry and rice - about 8 points or so.

Looking forward to a night in with the girls tonight ...Andrewq is allowed to have dinner with us, and then he is banished to the playstation room for the rest of the night - he is cool with that though.

And I'm SAD i'm not going to the car racing tomorrow. I thought I'd cope with it... but the reality is I want to go so bad!!!!! But the TV and I will be friends this weekend, and I can pretend I'm there.

+0.2

So my gain wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. +0.2 is manageable. Next week I'm going to kick arse!!!

Back on track today, although I find Wed a challenge cause work buys lunch and I can only have so many healthy choices... But I'll make do with it.

I'll try to get a walk into over the next few days, but its not looking good so far - too busy for the next few days....off to see an acrobatic circus at the fringe tonight, so am looking forward to that. Tomorrow is Andrew's birthday, and Friday I have the girls coming over for a girly night.

This weekend will mostly be spent plonked in front of the TV for the V8's...looking forward to that so much - Andrew has his cricket semi final, but I'm not going ... I haven't been all season so why change things now! Then the weekend after I'm off to China!! I'd better go do some clothes shopping on Saturday morning I think.

SLACKER!!!

I've be a bit slack on the blog front lately... work has been flat out, andwhen I get home - the last thing I want to look at is a computer.

Last Tuesday at WW I had a Stay the same. This week will more than likely be a gain. We had Andrew's b'day BBQ on Saturday and I wasn't particularly healthy in my food choices! And yesterday we had left overs... too much creamy pasta salad for me.

So, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow night at all. I'll go, becuase if I don't, I know it will be the end of me.

I spent most of yesterday lazing around inside and reading my book. A bit hung over... which is very unusual for me. We also got a turtle yesterday for our fountain/pond in the back yard. He spent most of the day hiding... and hopefully he survived the night - he has spent all his years in a small fish bowl, and now he has a large pnd to swim around in a fish to chase.... I hope he settles in OK.

Another busy week, and this weekend is the V8 racing in Adelaide, the Clipsal 500!! Unfortunatley due to circumstances I'm not going this year.... but will be spending most of my weekend glued to the TV!!! GO HOLDENS!! Have a good week... will report inWednesday with my hideous gain.

Small loss & Glad its Friday

I have spent the past 2 days at training... so have not been online much. Certainly not wanting to be at work today though - not sure why...

I lost 500g this week, total of 2.8kg in 3 weeks. Considering the crap food weekend last week, I am happy with that loss. Back on track pretty well this week, so hopefully should have a loss of about the same amount.

Not much else going on... life is busy, and am not really in the mood to be at work. Hopefully I'll be out of here by 3.30.

Looking forward to the long weekend - not doing too much at all, and being a bit lazy. I think I'm going to hate it when uni starts again, no more laziness allowed!!