MIA

Yep, have been missing in action for a while - life is not going so great - have not really wanted to blog about it.

Feeling sad and depressed does not make for good reading.

Food has been good this week - for a change!! Have been too busy to eat at times, and am starting to realise that eating does not not make me feel better, so I just don't do it as much now - there is not a lot that really satisfies the WANT I have - so I think the WANT is something different - I want to feel better and happier, but food is not the answer to that....And I think this is finally a good realisation to have.

Anyhoo, I hope things will lighten up soon.

Faking It??

So, Joanne suggested that I fake the weight loss. Pretend my head is in the right space, and try to sort something out. So I have been thinking about this, and subconsiously I think I have been doing it!! I have had a pretty good food week, even though I have been under lots of stress at work, and things aren't so great at home. Today I will be having a treat though.... I need one comfort re-feed!!

Work has been hard this week, and have definately not wanted to be here. I can't seem to do anything right, and all I want to do is stay home and curl up in bed. Hopefully having the weekend away will make me feel better, and be more refreshed on Monday. I had a doorway put into my office this week, and there is a thin film of concrete dust all over my desk. every time I grab something I haven't touched for a few days, I get a lovely layer of grime on me!! I get to move offices next week, so am looking forward to that...and being able to clean everything on my desk.

I'm going to the Body, Mind and Psychic Fair on Saturday with a couple of my friends which I am looking forward to. Not necessarily the fair, but looking forward to being with my friends.

Its bloody cold here now, and I'm loving it!!! I don't Like summer, so its great to finally be in winter. Time to rug up and keep toasty warm. I just wish we had a combustion heater at home though!!
Anyhoo, have a good weekend, I am certainly looking forward to it!!!

Another year older!

So 33 yesterday...getting older!! Had a great day as I spent my morning at a course on Stategic Marketing, and then the afternoon was spent at work, doing work, but also having fun with my Office Manager. I got some lovely flowers from one of my staff, and a few cards.

Andrew gave me a beautiful white gold bracelet which I really love. It is simple, but suits me well. He also got me a book, and a book mark.

We went out to dinner with my parents last night which was lovely, but a little bit dampened by mum and dad telling me that mum has been having twitches at night time in her leg, and can sometimes be a whole body twitch like she is having a fit. So they are off to have an MRI scan in June to see if her brain tumor is growing again, and if she needs another dose of radiotherapy. She made a comment last night that she'll never be like she used to be - but I said to her, at least you are here, and thats the main thing.

Saturday night we are going our with my best friends for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Not the aussie sweet and sour pork chinese, but proper chinese sichaun food. Looking forward to it so much!!

Weight wise - nothing positive is happening there. I have been hovering at the same weight for about 5months, so I guess thats better than going up. Cancelled my WW unlimited membership as it was a waste of money as I was doing nothing with it. My head is not in the right space.... its a bit of a cop out, but its the truth.

So glad its Thursday... and not long till the weekend. We're off to the footy aswell on Saturday, those bloody Crows better win, I'm sick of going to losing matches all the time. Lucky the tickets are for free!!

Achilles Tendonopathy

Bigs words that just means I have tendonitis in my achilles. I have to endure quite a few months of physio in order to try to settle the tendon and try to strengthen it. So I can only walk for about 20mins at the moment becuase thats when it starts to hurt, and I will have to try a different exercise like cycling or swimming.

So not the best news, but not the worst news either. I can cope with tendonitis....as much as it hurts at the moment.

Mothers day on Sunday - so happy mothers day to those mum's who read my blog!! Andrew and I are going to the footy on Sunday and then down to visit my mum. We are having Andrew's mum over for Sushi on Saturday night - so I have a lot of prep work to do on Sat arvo, and lots of shopping tonight at the Central Markets.

My menu will be as follows:
raw salmon with avocado & mayo
Eel with cucumber, avocado & mayo
Teriaki Chicken with avocado, sundried tomatoes, mayo
Teriaki chicken with cucumber, lettuce, shallots & Mayo (inside out roll)
Crab stick with Avocado, cucumber & mayo
Asparagus with lettuce,capsicum & mayo
Prawns with avocado, cucumber & mayo
tinned tuna with chilli & mayo

Dessert
Sticky date pudding with icecream

I think Andrew's mum will like all of that!! I know I am looking foward to it all. I haven't made sushi for about 18months, so hopefully I will be able to still do it!!

Thank god it Friday - hanging out for the day to be over....

Can't get into the swing of it all

My diet has gone to hell.. Since the unfortunate weigh in a few weeks ago, I have lost the plot...and it all just comes down to will power. The other thing I find hard at the moment is having so much going on. Work is quite stressful, and so I turn to yummy food to make me feel better...its a vicious cycle, and I can't seem to break it. You would have thought that not being able to get jeans to fit on the weekend would have been a good way to kick myself in the bum, but that hasn't seemed to have happened.

I've also got issues happening with headaches, and also with my achillies. I've been going to the headache clinic over the past week to try to get rid of my headaches. At the moment its more pain than relief, but I think in about a week or so I should really start to feel better, and get a new pillow to help with sleeping at night.
My Achillies is another matter...and thats whats stopping me from walking at the moment. I can only walk from about 20min and then I'm in pain. Its has a lump on it, an I'm hoping that its just inflamation. Off to see a sports doctor this week and we'll see whats happening.
And to top evrything off I had my root canal finished 2 weeks agao, and I am in a heaps of pain today. I can't even eat at the moment, so have to see if I can fit in a dentist appointment today.
I am a sad and sorry mess!!

I'm cancelling my WW unlimited as its costing heaps, but I'm not doing anything with it. In Myers in Adelaide they do a 1 on 1 consultation, but its expensive, and the reality is I just need to do it myself - no point paying if you can't get your head in the right space. . I just can't seem to get on board wlike I used to. When I smoked it was easy to lose weight. You felt like something to eat so you had a smoke and all was good...now I'm not smoking I just eat....and so the cycle continues.

Otherwise life is pretty boring at the moment. Always busy at work, and home life is OK. Not going to go back to uni for a while, I don't have the mental toughness for it right now. I just want all my ailments to get better so that I can feel better, and get moving again. I miss walking, and want to be able to do those 8km walks again. Trying not to feel to down, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it all.

Finally back to blogging

Talk about being slack!! But I'm back now... back from China, and hopefully back from that terrible headspace I was in a few weeks a go.

China was great.... for those who want piccy's, you can check them out on Facebook. Here are 2 of my favourites.

It was busy and I got a nasty cold half way through the trip - so felt like shit for the last 2 working days and for my free shopping day. The plane home was BAD...economy with a cold, crying babies, and another one kicking me.... NOT HAPPY.

But I am feeling much better now. I didn't do a great deal of shopping while I was over there, just a few things. A pure Cashmere shawl, a mahjong set for my mum, some tea, and a gorgeous tea set. I also got a jade bracelet, which is just gorgeous.

The only down side of the past 3 weeks was the terrible weight gain. I weigh more now than when I joined Weight Watchers.... so BAD. And my weigh in was crap tonight, as there wasn't a weigher, and the 1 member of the meeting who I really don't like decided that she would offer to help and weigh people..... I was so embaressed and pissed off that she got to see my weight. I wouldn't have thought that the leader would be allowed to let just anyone weigh people - especially when they don't know what they are doing. I ended up taking my book and working out myself what my figures were. NOT impressed, and actually complained to WW about it. I think I have the right to be able to choose what members know my weight and which ones don't.

Anyways I ate my annoyance tonight, which just proves I have an emotional eating issue.... SO, tomorrow I will get back on the wagon and get rid of this weight. I felt so fat in China. It was horrible to be surrounded by Asian skinny people!! And no chance of finding any clothes.... just so depressing. I got stared at a lot because of me height and red hair, and I'm sure cause of how huge I am.

But I ate well until I got home from WW...and I even went for a walk. I will sort this all out. I have to soon, cause I just feel yuck!!

Where is my head at???

I tell ya what - it certainly isn't in the right spcae for losing weight!! And I'm worried I'm never going to get back to that place. You'd think trying on a size 20 shirt and have it be too tight in the arms would be a sign wouldn't you... NOPE.

I am really quite annoyed with myself in numerous ways. I can't believe the things I ate over the weekend. I am NOT going to WW this week, I couldn't handle the huge gain. I'll be going back after I get back from China.

And no matter how hard I tell myslef to get my shit together it just doesn't seem to be happening. I even piked on a friend for a walk yesterday....mostly cause we had to clean out the pond though so I could watch the car racing in the arvo.

I have to work out why I keep sabotaging myself...I'm not sure why I do it, and mostly how to fix it. Starting to get really really down about things, but not sure how to control it. I LOVE FOOD, and have so much trouble trying to stop the bad stuff from entering my mouth.

I get back from China on the 5th of April... and I WILL get back on track and kick some arse with this weight loss things, cause if I don't start doing it now, then winter will settle in, and there will be no chance of any exercise. I must stop complaining, and just get on with it.....