4 weeks on

So its been 4 weeks since we split, and I have really not coped very well at all on some days. Other days I have been OK, and managed keep it together. Today and tomorrow are likely to be sad, and I'm certainly feeling that this morning. So so flat.

I got the house & mortgage all organised, and settlement is tomorrow. So I will be in debt up to my eyeballs and beyond, but the house will be mine and completely in my name. So tomorrow for me really is the finish of it all. There will be no ties to Andrew with the house, except for the few things he still has around.

I really understand the concept of a broken heart, but am thankful we can remain friends. Andrew and I spent a couple of days at the V8 racing a few weeks ago, and that was really good. We both had a great weekend, and got along quite well.

I guess my thing is that I'm just so so angry that we couldn't make it work, and now I'm almost 34 and single again. And I think being angry is what makes me upset, and then my head just starts thinking all sorts of things, and then I'm going round and round in circles.

I KNOW thats its best we are not together, and I KNOW that if we move back in together that things will go back to how they were, so why do I get so sad? Cause I'm lonely. I honestly thought I'd cope being on my own in my house, but the reality is that I'm not coping very well at all. My best friend is in Melb, my other one lives too far away and has a bub so can't come over at night, and I don't have too many other friends who can come over or I can go visit. Facebook is my best mate at the moment as it keeps me occupied.

I'm a real introvert, so the whole I idea of going out on my own and meeting people just scares the crap outa me. I admire Chris H, who seems to be able to natter to anyone, and loves to meet new people - I'm just so not like that.

I guess I just have to come outa my shell and try harder.... But I'm not sure if I'm ready yet? Who knows. I just feel a little lost at the moment, and look forward to feeling happier sooner rather than later. Breaking up is hard to do - and this would have to be ther worst one I've been through.

Sad Ending - but new beginning?

Andrew and I broke up this week, and it broke my heart to have to do it. But things have not been too good for a while, and I couldn't keep living in this unhappy relationship. I wish so bad that we didn't have to end it, but he couldn't change, and neither could I, so it was just better to break up. 4.5 years of being together means a sad breakup.

He moved out today, and my brother and I helped him. We have been nice to each other, no nastiness.... and this has made the whole break up easier to deal with. Once you start being nasty to each other, then things go downhill real quick.

I get to keep the house, and have to sort out everything this week with regards to the mortgage, and title. I think everything will be Ok with that, as long as people don't keep talking into Andrew's ear. I just wanted it all softer ASAP.

So I'm feeling a bit down at the moment, and think I will for a while. I don't hate Andrew and the that can make it harder to move forward, but I'll just have to do my best. At least I will be able to re-focus on my weight loss now.... living on my own will make things much easier.

Bling & Stuff

Its been a few weeks sice I posted... but its been kinda busy.

I survived my trip to China. I got all the work done I was meant to, and then spent about 6 hours hanging in hong kong airport waiting for my flight on the Tuesday... so I bought myself some "Tiffany & Co" bling. This is called a grafitti squiggle, and it suits be perfectly!!! I were it on a chain around my neck, and looks cool. Very me.

Since the trip was mostly work, I didn't do much other stuff, and cause my back was misbehaving, it was hard to do much. I ended up getting seat upgrade to Premium economy on the way home, and that made for a nicer trip... not so squashy! I didn't get much sleep so was rather tired when I finally got home on the Wednesday.

And things have just been busy since getting home. I had my girlfriends over last sat night night for a dinner and a sleep over which was great, we had fun night with girly talk and just enjoying each others company. I love my girls mel and Bec.

And in other news I have gotten out of hospital today...

Such an attractive look!! Had another op on my nose to try to help my breathing. Since my nose job 2.5years ago, things haven't been right, so I went to a different doc, and he decided that there were some unusual things happening in my nose that was causing it to get blocked at night time. So off I want for my op... and now I'm home again. I'm not too sore at the moment, but the drugs help with that :). I have the next few days off work, and go back on the Wed next week. Just enought time to relax and heal up.

The only real downer was when the anesthetist exclaimed I was VERY BIG, and said this about 4 times....and made it seem like it was going to be dangerous.... so I ended up in tears heading into the op...but it all worked out Ok, and I'm safely home.

So we all know what this means...Leanne really needs to pull her finger out and lose these damn kilos.

Made it to Hong Kong!!

I'm finally sitting here in my hotel room in Hong Kong with a lovely view from my hotel room. Thankfully I got an early check in at 8:30am, and didn't have to wait until 2pm. Planning to relax for a few hours before veturing out to have a look around. I'm not too fussed about seeing too much stuff, I'll just go for a wander check out some shops and then probably go to the harbour tonight to see the laser light show.

The flight here was good, I managed to sleep for about 4 hours which I was quite happy with. My seat was great...had heaps of leg room which made for a more comfy trip. My back has held out quite well, and was only twinging for about an hour last night and thats it.

I get a car to Shenzhen tomorrow morning to go to the factory to do the work part of my trip. I'm hoping that it will take me about 6 hours to do.... fingers crossed I don't have to go back on Tuesday. I want to be able to go for a walk around Shenzhen on Tuesday morning before I head back to Hong Kong airport tuesday night for my flight home.

Such a quick trip!!! But as long as the work stuff goes well tomorrow it will all be worth it!

Have decided I'm back on the weight watching wagon next week. I have had enough of looking like a hefer, so its time to sort it out.

Anyhoo, time to chill out in front of the telly for a while and have a snooze.

Accupuncture - nothing like a bit of a prick!

Friday afternoon I went to see if I could get an appointment with an accupuncturist I have seen on and off for about 15 years. Lucky for me they could fit me in immediately!! My back was still causing me a lot of grief, and I went to see the accupuncturist for some pain relief. I'm not sure how many needles he used, but I think it was around 6, all of them in my lumar region and hips. He also used a technique called cupping where they use glass cups to suck the skin up.

This is supposed to help rejuvinate the qi in the body, and help with pain reduction, and deep tissue repair. It was a very strange feeling, and hurt only a littel bit in one area, but I couldn't see the halm in it. It left some awesome red circles though!!

The day after treatment I felt terrible, but that is also due to the chiro visit. I always feel worse the next day after seeing him. But Yesterday and today my pain has lessened quite a bit, and I'm feeling quite OK. Compared to 1 and half weeks ago, my pain is at about an 4 instead of a 10.

So, I think I should be OK for China now. I'll make the final decision on Thursday whether to go, but I should be OK. I'm having another accupuncture visit on Friday, and off to the Chiro today... so I'm slowly getting there. When I can stop taking panadine forte altogether I will be a happy lady.

Shuffling Along

So, its been 5 days since I hurt my back, and I'm doing OK. Today was actually a really bad day - I was hurting pretty bad this morning, and its carried over during the day, so I came home early. Compared to last Friday my pain has lessened quite a bit but I am still on Panadine Forte...but have cut this down to half of what I was having on the weekend - 3 a day now which is OK. Andrew was much better on Sunday with helping me. I think he realised how much pain I was in, and did the things I asked him to do, so an improvement on his wanker behavoiur the day before.

My boss really really upset me today. I have been thinking about what caused this issue and I remember picking up something at work on the Thursday, and felt my back twinge a little bit, but thought nothing much of it. A few hours later I was in a lot of pain but didn't relate it back to what I lifted. I told him this today, and he turned around and said to me, 'are you ignoring the elephant in the room'. I didn't know what he meant, and then he said that the reason I have this back problem is becuase I have put on so much weight and basically fobbed off that I hurt myself doing something at work. Now that upset me, cause no medical person I saw mentioned this to me, not even my chiro.

I know I'm overweight, and having been making a real effort to do something about it- and have been feeling the best I have in ages, and then this happened with my back. So now walking is out the window and all I can do is watch my food...which at the moment is not going so well, but is not totally out of control.

so I have a boss who thinks I'm fat and blames that for my sore back.... not happy.

I just want the pain to go away now, I have had enough of it. I feel for anyone that puts up with constant pain, I really do. Chiro thinks I'll have pain for the rest of the week into next week and about 8 weeks for me to get back to normal. Regarding physio, I have not had good experiences with physio's, so don't go to visit them and would rather stay with my chiro. Thanks for the advice though Colleen.

Hopefully trip to China on the 30th will go ahead OK. Thankfully its only a few days over there on my own, so no obligation to do anything with other people. So sleeping when I want and relaxing when I want.... Not really excited about going, but it will be a good thing to do on my own

so so annoyed

I've hurt my back - apparently I have hurt a disk in my Lumbar spine. I'm not happy at all. I was in so much pain Thursday night even after taking Panadine Forte that I spent most of the evening in tears. Then went to Chiro on Friday and he only did a little bit of feeling around and adjustment, and by the time he strappped up my back and I tried to get up I was in tears again. I'd takenb 2 Panadine Fortes in the morning, and it didn't even seem to touch the pain.

Chiro told me to go to a doc to get some more painkillers, something stronger than the panadine, so I went across to my semi-regular doc, and he had so many people in the waiting room that I would have gone stir crazy if I had waited there. So I went home and had Andrew take me to the local medical centre. We waited for 1.5 hours, and when people who had arrived after me started going in I got Andrew to go check, and they didn't have my papaerwork in the pile. I was very annoyed by this time.

I fianlly got to see a doc who was useless and refused to give me anything stronger than panadine. he inisited I get an xray before doing anything else, and I honestly think that he thought I was one of those people just trying to get drugs. He didn't like that I went to a chiro and insisted it was muscular not a disk - but he didn't even touch me - just asked me to move around.

So he just gave me more Panadine forte, and anit inflammatories and to get an xray. Of course the Xray place was shut so that didn't happen. I don't want to go back to that place because the doc was terrible. So I'm sitting at home in pain even though I have taken the panadine and the Brufen and waiting till Monday to go see my normal doc.

i am so so annoyed. I have never hurt my back this bad before, and it has really hit me for a sixer - I can't bend down walking and sitting hurts, and I 'm consistantly in pain. I'm going to China in 2 weeks, so if I don't get a bit better before then, then the whole trip could be cancelled.

and the worst thing is I don't know what I have done. I'm sad, and Andrew is getting annoyed when I ask him to do things. Thats pissing me off so much. Its not like I did this on purpose, and he's just being a dickhead about it. its situations like this that really test things, and he is failing with flying colours. Not even being able to bend down to get something is so so frustrating. Why can't he just be a support instead of a wanker?